Aunt Jess

Zoe's aunt Jess, my beloved sister, wrote me the following email this morning:

I was just looking at the Zoe pictures and thinking how big she is already getting. I really do wish that we lived closer, I am so sad to think of her growing up without knowing me really. I mean, I know that's mildly dramatic, but, you know how when you don't live in the same town as kids do, they really just never are that close to you. Because they are always like "you don't know my routine or the things i really like, you don't even know my favorite song".

And there I will be showing up with presents from new york and trying to force her to hug me and be friends. Sigh. I guess that you will probably tell her all about me and me about her, but somehow it won't be the same. I can't just come over and bite her cheeks and stay up late and give her candy when I'm not supposed to.

Here are what things would be like if I were there or you were here :

1. I would come over and make you and Travis go out so that Zoe and I could lay on the couch and laugh and sing songs by ourselves. I would teach her new noises and we would just talk in our best friend language that you wish you could understand, but you wouldn't be able to because it would be a secret just between best friends.


2. I would put her on the ground and show her how to roll over and she would look really confused and then she would see that I have blue eyes and big cheeks just like her and see that it's in the genes and that if I could roll over, then she could too. Once she rolled over, we would just lay on our backs and laugh and laugh.


3. I would probably never let her cry, even when you are supposed to. I would sneak over to her bed and pick her up and hold her until she wasn't crying and then you could blame me for her being spoiled and then send her to my house for sleepovers.


4. Once she gets older, she will love it when I come over in my fancy high heels and she will put them on with her tiny feet and socks and tromp around in them. I won't worry because she knows how to work those shoes, just like I did when I was her age.


5. She will find my lip gloss and gum in my purse and put it all over her mouth and chin and get the gum stuck in her hair. We will have to cut the gum out of her hair and she will be a little nervous about it, but then I will curl it and she will think it's the most amazing thing ever.


6. She won't want to listen to stupid music like barney, she will want to listen to awesome music, like the kind that she hears in aunt jessica's car, not those lame kid songs.


7. She will consider being a vegetarian and then decide against it, but she will tell everyone she knows that her aunt "won't touch the stuff".

This kind of stuff makes me all weepy. I have become such a sap since I became a mother but I really do feel things more deeply now, I honestly believe that. It changes you in such incredible ways.

I never pictured that Jess and I would have babies in different states, that my child would grow up not getting to spend much time with her. It hurts to think about this. Jessie and I are so close, she's such a huge part of me that I can't stand to think that Zoe won't get to see her very often. And then when she has babies, it will tear me apart not to get to smooch on them daily.

My answer to this, of course, is that Jess and Nick should just move here. Sure, it's not as fast-paced, but it's affordable and they can do their job from anywhere so I think it's about time they started considering it. There's no way in hell we can afford to move to New York (and couldn't anyway because of Josie and Jack) and when it comes time for them start having kids, they'll realize that though Kansas City is a little isolated in the middle of the country, it is a great place to raise a family. I know they won't go for this, but I'm not giving up. Maybe eventually I will be able to wear them down.