A Letter to Zoe

Dear Zoe,

Yesterday you turned 12 weeks old. I can't believe it's only been 12 weeks that you've been in my life. I honestly have such a hard time imagining my life without you in it. Just a little over 12 weeks ago I was going crazy with anticipation...so ready to meet you after what felt like the longest 9 months of my life. Now that you're here and we've gotten to know each other, I have to say that you are so much more delightful than I could have ever dreamed. How often does that happen, that reality surpasses one's dreams?!?

You are smiling and laughing so much now. Even when you wake me up every two hours in the night to nurse (what's with that? you had been sleeping at least one 5 hour stretch a night for the last 6 weeks and now you're back to two hour stretches? you must be growing!) you wake me up with a sly little grin and even in my deliriously-tired state I can't help but smile myself. I'd gladly get up every two hours a night for the rest of my life if I could wake up to that smile every time.

You are really growing up. You no longer need to be walked around all the time, you can just hang out. In fact, we just sat on the bed together and watched the movie Once the other day. You liked the music, but you said you'd read somewhere that the stars of the film are dating in real life and the man is 18 years older than the woman, which sort of turned you off. I tried to explain to you that love is love among adults, no matter the age, but you wouldn't have it. I guess you're entitled to your opinion.

You used to scream in the car and man, that was taking years off my life (I swear my blood pressure skyrocketed during those grueling trips - I'll send you my medical bills when you have a steady income) but now you've come around - you spend most car rides peacefully trying to eat your hands. Now we can also do things to make you laugh - like talk like Donald Duck or stick our tongues in and out really fast. We are fools, we know, but we don't care because that laugh could put an end to the African AIDS crisis if only we could find a way to bottle it. You have the power to turn only semi-foolish people like your father and me into COMPLETE AND TOTAL fools. This could come in handy.

We're still working out the kinks with your sleep. You still love the swing, but you'll spend some time in our bed or in your co-sleeper. That usually doesn't last all that long, however, because you start in with the flailing and while it seems to only sort of bother you, it's painful for me to watch. You just can't get comfortable and that feeling sucks. I don't want that for you, so I try everything to comfort you. This will probably come back to bite me in the future, but whatever. You're just a baby. You're my baby and I love you and want you to be happy.

We are also still working out the kinks with your poop and my diet. I have been dairy-free for almost three weeks and you still have diapers full of mucous. So, we'll cut out soy, too. That's also a common baby allergy. We'll see. I'll keep trying until we get it right, sweet girl. Even if I have to live on twigs and berries.

I love you,
Momma